How many times, I wonder, can a person fall down....and still get back up? For me, it seems that recovery looks more like a series of falling and clawing my way back to a semi-standing position, only to fall flat on my face. Again. *sigh* I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that I'm getting up each time?
I've spent this morning catching up with friend's blogs and a few ED youtubers that I follow. It seems everyone is struggling right now and it's heartbreaking! I cried legit tears over the pain felt by people I've never met in person, people who live across the country...and even across the world. In the midst of your own heartbreak...you guys inspire me! So, you keep getting up....and I will too.
A few days ago I was praying for my sister and a powerful image came to my mind. I wasn't planning on sharing it because there is SO much back story and the thought of explaining it all is just overwhelming. Nevertheless....
About a week ago I had a terrifyingly evil dream. Two days later, my sister texted me in the middle of the night...scared out of her mind because she had a similar dream. I'm still not sure where I stand on spiritual warfare, but lately I've been praying in that direction, declaring freedom and asking protection for myself, my husband, and my sister. It feels like a comfy old pair of shoes, to be honest. Anyway, while praying for my sister and asking for clarity on both of our dreams, I saw (imagined) this:
I was standing beside my sister, we were holding hands. Our stance was strong and fierce. We were both praying out loud and leaning into something invisible that was pushing against us. It was loud, wind roaring...intense. Both of us, in unison stomped one foot...and the ground shook underneath us, and the air in front of us vibrated...like that stomp sent shock waves out in front of us. And then, it was quiet.
You see? We're stronger when we fight together, and for each other. I went out on this crazy shaky limb and actually shared this image with my sister. I told her I felt like God was encouraging us to pray for each other, the same things that we would pray for ourselves. I know that my sister has her own dark and broken places...addictions and hidden shame. It looks different than mine, but the root is the same. So, when I'm crying out to God to free me from this hell that I feel so caught up in...I'm stopping and asking God to show me how to pray this exact same thing for my sister. I know it sounds crazy. I swear, I'm not really a charismaniac loon!
With that said....I hope that the ferocious warrior that I see in this image will one day become a reality.