Saturday, November 26, 2016

keep fighting...

How many times, I wonder, can a person fall down....and still get back up?  For me, it seems that recovery looks more like a series of falling and clawing my way back to a semi-standing position, only to fall flat on my face.  Again.  *sigh*  I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that I'm getting up each time?

I've spent this morning catching up with friend's blogs and a few ED youtubers that I follow.  It seems everyone is struggling right now and it's heartbreaking!  I cried legit tears over the pain felt by people I've never met in person, people who live across the country...and even across the world.  In the midst of your own guys inspire me!  So, you keep getting up....and I will too.

A few days ago I was praying for my sister and a powerful image came to my mind.  I wasn't planning on sharing it because there is SO much back story and the thought of explaining it all is just overwhelming.  Nevertheless....

About a week ago I had a terrifyingly evil dream.  Two days later, my sister texted me in the middle of the night...scared out of her mind because she had a similar dream.  I'm still not sure where I stand on spiritual warfare, but lately I've been praying in that direction, declaring freedom and asking protection for myself, my husband, and my sister.  It feels like a comfy old pair of shoes, to be honest.  Anyway, while praying for my sister and asking for clarity on both of our dreams, I saw (imagined) this:

 I was standing beside my sister, we were holding hands.  Our stance was strong and fierce.  We were both praying out loud and leaning into something invisible that was pushing against us.  It was loud, wind roaring...intense.  Both of us, in unison stomped one foot...and the ground shook underneath us, and the air in front of us that stomp sent shock waves out in front of us.  And then, it was quiet.

You see?  We're stronger when we fight together, and for each other.  I went out on this crazy shaky limb and actually shared this image with my sister.  I told her I felt like God was encouraging us to pray for each other, the same things that we would pray for ourselves.  I know that my sister has her own dark and broken places...addictions and hidden shame.  It looks different than mine, but the root is the same.  So, when I'm crying out to God to free me from this hell that I feel so caught up in...I'm stopping and asking God to show me how to pray this exact same thing for my sister.  I know it sounds crazy.  I swear, I'm not really a charismaniac loon!

With that said....I hope that the ferocious warrior that I see in this image will one day become a reality.


  1. Keep at it, and the warrior within will prevail. You are truly remarkable <3

    'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.'


    1. Thank you, sweet friend! You too, are quite remarkable. :)

  2. Hi! You commented yesterday on my post welcoming my new baby (not weird, btw...I love it), so I hopped over here to check out your blog. I struggled with body image/eating disorders for many years, and I just want to tell you ... You can get better. All better. Completely free. It does take time, and lots of failing, but it's possible and it is miraculous and it is wonderful. So be gentle with yourself. Be patient. But keep getting up! And keep praying! I'll pray with you.

  3. Psalm 97:10

    Ye that love the Lord, hate evil;
    he preserveth the souls of his saints; he delivereth them out of the hand of the wicked.

    You will make it

  4. Keep on keepin' on-we are definitely warriors!

    Dreams can be so vivid. I just had a dream that spoke to my desire to be closer with my family and strangely it involved a massive, 50 lb or more raw turkey in a roasting pan riding in a massive SUV with my entire family... it was weird. Deep down, without words, it makes sense in my soul but on the surface it just seems goofy! I'm glad you found meaning in your dream too <3