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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

It's been awhile.  Again.  My phone is archaic so I finally had to delete my blogger app because it took up way too much space.  Note to self:  buy new phone!!

I've been sick for over a week now and it's getting really old.  I'm just now starting to feel back to normal.  ED stuff is always triggered when I'm sick, not sure why.  The night before I got sick I had an epic purging session.  The thought crossed my mind the next day that maybe getting sick was some sort of punishment for the night before.  It seems silly and superstitious to think that and I hate admitting it.  When I'm sick I usually end up restricting because purging takes up way too much energy.

While driving to work this morning I had the thought that I'm doing this because I feel like I'm spinning out of control.  I want god to help me but I honestly don't trust that he will.  I suppose my kneejerk reaction is to go ballistic controlling what I eat?  I'm not sure what exactly is out of control though.  From the outside looking in, my life is pretty great.  Honestly.  It is!