Friday, January 25, 2013

work hookey :)

Today's been fun and relaxing.  I played hooky from work.  I decided I didn't want another day in the germ factory of coworkers.  Two people on either side of my desk (that I share a phone with) came back to work with notes from their doctor saying they shouldn't return until next week.  Pretty awesome.  So fuck them.  I'LL stay home if they won't.  They both claimed not being able to afford missing more work.  *sigh*  I understand that, but I don't have a lot of sympathy when it's my own health (and weekend plans) at stake.

So I slept in.  I went through my closet and have officially weeded out all of the clothes I can no longer wear because they're too big.  Yay!  Such an awesome feeling to SEE the success.  Normally being at home is hard on my eating plan but today hasn't been too bad.  I had a small serving of salsa chicken with a little tortilla for lunch.  I splurged a little though and made myself some Irish coffee for a snack this afternoon.  Yum!  For dinner, the hubby is making some new gourmet meatloaf recipe.  He swears it's going to be healthy and portioned correctly (little mini-loaves!).  Apparently he isn't using hamburger meat but he said it's a surprise.  Ha!  I'm going to pass out from shock if it turns out to be vegetarian.  No idea what his sides are, but he's usually pretty healthy with those.

I've spent my afternoon doing laundry and watching Alias on netflix.  OH how I love that show.  I can't believe I never watched it when it was on tv.  I even got an awesome strength training workout in while I watched tv.  I set my kitchen timer for 5 minutes and just rotated through every exercise I could possibly think of for 5 minutes each.  I did that for two episodes so....about 80 minutes?  

OH and I also found a menu online for the hotel room service.  It took some digging and it's from some place in Texas....which is not where we're going but.....hopefully the menu will be the same since it's a chain.  They have a lot of really healthy options on the menu that actually looked more appetizing than their unhealthy stuff!

I won't be logging in here all weekend since I'll probably have a 13 year old hanging on me every second.  :)  I hope everybody has a wonderfully relaxing and healthy weekend!!!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

hotel is booked!


I just finished booking our hotel rooms online for this weekend.  I'm so excited!!!  My sis and niece are going to freak when they see this place.  It's not really a luxury hotel, but considering how we grew up, this is the freaking Ritz.  We both have wanted to do something like this since we were little kids, we just never had the money.  We were lucky if we got the Motel 6....and even then it would be the cheapest one, in the worst part of town.

So.  This place offers room service...which was the main thing that I was looking for.  I was a little dissapointed that I couldn't find a menu online.  Boo.  I was hoping to plan ahead for what kind of damage this was going to do to my calorie goal for the day.  I really need to forget about that, and make sure that I don't spend the whole time obsessing and that I get something I'm going to really enjoy.  If I'm going to eat more than 600 calories for a meal, it damn well better be delicious.  haha!  Supposedly they even come to your room and set up your meal too.  I got us a "turn down service" whatever the hell that is....with a complimentary fruit, chocolate, cheese tray delivered at 8:00.  I think that's supposed to be part of a romance package though.  Whatever.  I love my sis....I'll feed her chocolate and fruit.  LOL!  Breakfast is also served in our room whenever we ask for it.

There's lots of shopping nearby so my niece has offered to help me pick out some more fashionable clothes.  My sis and I did NOT get the family style gene.  Hopefully my niece is better at picking stuff out than I am.  Last time she saw me, she actually rolled her eyes and said "Oh, Auntie" and sighed.  Yeah.  It's that bad.  I'm placing my wardrobe selection in the capable hands of a 13 year old for the weekend and I'm sort of excited to see what she comes up with.  :)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

work! was freaking BUSY.  Over half of my department at work either called in sick or went home sick.  Two of the people left are lazy and disorganized.....which pretty much left 3 of us doing all the work.  I love a challenge, but wow.  Thankfully I actually like all the people I work with, even the ones that are slow and confused all day.  LOL!  I was literally sprinting across the warehouse trying to make sure that all of the boxes got the right paperwork and loaded onto the truck.  Today is one of those days I wished I had a fitbit or something.  I'd love to know what kind of workout I'm getting at work.  

Breakfast was coffee plus some spiffy new chewable vitamins and calcium that are delicious!  
Lunch - small chili from Wendy's plus 6 saltine crackers (ack! probably should have chucked the crackers out the window for the birds, but oh well)
Dinner - hmmm....chili again, sort of.  I got a can of Bush's grillin' chili beans.  They taste exactly like chili AND it's easy to make mine meat free and still add meat to the hubby's bowl.  I topped mine with cheese and sour cream though.  Meh.  I was still way under 1,000 calories today which was my goal.

My day is not over either.  :(  I didn't do much housework over the weekend.  Somehow with the massive list of crap I have to do I'm GOING to fit in a workout.  Even if it's just crunches or a short jaunt on the elliptical.  After being busy all day I'm feeling super motivated to get some shit done.  haha!

Hope everybody had a great day!!!

Monday, January 21, 2013


This last week/weekend was rough for my weight-loss campaign.  Grrr....  I was crazy hormonal.  Plain and simple.

I didn't work out AT ALL.  I ate like a crazy person.....had fast food several times.  Don't get me wrong, I regretted the fast food.  It kinda effed me up a little but sure didn't stop me from eating it.

So today I'm back on track for the most part.  I had an egg muffin from Braums this morning.  No lunch.  Dinner is going to be brussels sprouts and maybe an apple or something.  I really would like to skip dinner tonight but with all of the people sick at work I don't think my immune system wants me to skip it.  I'll just eat healthy and have my vitamins.  I haven't gotten sick from work yet.  *knocks on wood*

I CAN'T be sick for this weekend.  I'm taking my niece and sister to a really fancy hotel.  We're going to order room service and watch movies for as late as we can possibly stay awake.  :)  I'm kind of excited!  We've never stayed in a nice place like that....much less been able to order room service.  My niece is absolutely stoked, she's only ever stayed in a motel 6 so this will definitely be a new experience for her.

Anyway.  My sprouts are done, I should go eat them.

Monday, January 14, 2013

don't wanna jinx it....

.....but today's total calories are around 75.  That sounds low, I know.....and I know it's not healthy but....I kinda don't care right now.  I'm one of those weirdos that actually likes the feeling of being empty.  I'm really not hungry either.  My stomach growled a little when I got home from work but I drank some veggie broth and now I don't feel the need to have anything else.  HUGE change from the insane amounts that I ate this weekend.  I was too ashamed to even post about it.  :(

I worked out hard though!  I ran 3 miles, walked 2 on Saturday.  Sunday I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then did a p90x dvd.  My arms are sore today and it feels nice.  

Anyway.....I just finished getting caught up on all my lovely blog friends and now I'm gonna go hop on my elliptical and watch some X-Men.  OH how I love that movie (ermmm....movies).  After that I seriously need to clean the bathroom and give the dogs a bath.  They missed their weekly bath yesterday and they are smelling pretty rank today.  Bleh.


Ahhh!  No housecleaning for me tonight.  Husband bought a bow.  As in....a bow and arrow.  We set up hay bales in the back yard with targets on them and just spent an hour learning to shoot.  It's so much fun but I suck at it.  After doing p90x yesterday and this tonight....I think my arms will be on fire tomorrow.  LOL!  I still can't freaking believe he bought a bow.  You'd think I married a 14 year old boy with all the "toys" we have around here.  I've had more fun playing as an adult than I ever did as a kid.  :)  *sigh*  I love this man.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

not a shabby day

I think I've done pretty well so far today!  I'm down to 133 and sort of shocked because I'm pms'y and my calories have been kinda high all week.  I still need to get back on track with the food though.  It's the weekend so I'm allowing myself to eat a little more.   It balances out because I work out pretty hard on the weekends.

I also took measurements today.  I do those once a month or so.  I've lost 2 inches in both my waist and my thighs.  My hips are the same though.  Weird.

I just finished working out.  WOW.  I really do love running.  :)  It clears my head and makes me feel like everything is okay in my world.  That sounds cheesy, but whatever.  During my run I watched a documentary about 3 guys who ran across the Sahara desert.  Very inspiring.  

I'm now settling down with half of a veggie enchilada and a glass of Chardonnay.  I'm going to watch youtube until I get sleepy enough to go to bed.  I've been hooked on this show called "Supersize vs. Superskinny."  

Saturday, January 12, 2013

people are noticing!

Yesterday at work THREE people came up to me and asked if I was losing weight and told me that I looked really good.  It got a little awkward though when one girl asked how I was doing it.  errrmmm.....starving myself and exercising like a nut-case?  I told her that I was eating healthy and training for a couple of races.  Which I sort of am.  When I eat, it's somewhat healthy....and I AM actually training for a 5k and a 12 mile bike race in April.  (back to back races, might I add....eek!)

I haven't been able to weigh yet this morning.  Our scale is in the master bathroom and I didn't feel like sneaking in there this morning to weigh and risk waking the hubby up.  He was sleeping so cute too.  Is it normal to stare at your spouse while they sleep?  That's probably creepy.

I maintained some UBER control last night.  Let me recap the day.  :)  Breakfast: coffee.  Lunch: water.  Spent my lunch break at the park and did 200 step ups, I think.  I lost count a few times and just did them until my legs were shaky and tight.  Dinner: husband wanted to make jambalaya.  Gourmet and amazing, as usual.  I was thrilled that he gave me a normal sized amount, a little over a cup and a half.  He normally dishes out massive portions and I have to put some back before I even start eating.  I was really craving something greasy and spicy.  I'm PMS'ing right now and it's so hard to not hit up a fast food place and stuff myself silly.  After that, we hung out in his music room and he showed me some new songs.....and we cracked open a new bottle of  booze.  We're working our way across the wall behind the cashier at the liquor store.  Every weekend we get something we haven't tried before.  

I"m the world's worst at drunk eating.  Add the PMS cravings on top of that and....yeah.   I reeeeally wanted to raid the fridge last night.  The conditions were perfect for a binge.  He wanted to turn his amps up and play for awhile.  He shuts his door for that so the dogs won't get their ears blasted out.  So he wouldn't hear the microwave or me rustling in the kitchen.  I didn't though, even though I was kinda drunk, I still thought through it and reminded myself that it wasn't worth the guilt in the morning.  I went to bed and watched a documentary on China instead.   

This morning my motivation for not eating is the sheer feeling of accomplishment from last night.  I refuse to spoil the good that I've already done for myself.

Unfortunately my workouts this weekend will all be indoors.  Boo!  It's snowing.  I hate running in wet weather and it's too dangerous to ride my bike in it.  I'm getting a little bored with my treadmill/elliptical routine so I really want to find something fun or interesting to do today.  I need cardio really bad right now.  I've been doing strength overload all week and hardly any cardio.  

Well anyway....enough rambling.  I've got shit to do.  :)

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I'm BACK in the game!  :)  As of this morning I'm back to the weight that I was at before my weekend trip.  It had to have been stress or water weight or something.  I know I didn't drink near enough water while I was there.  My parents practically live in a desert, so I always forget to drink more than normal and come home all parched and dried up.

I kinda ate more than I should have this evening.  It was the only meal I've had today though, and still only 600 calories, so I'm not going to stress too much over it.  Hubby made another breakfast casserole.  He's hooked on those.  He's been experimenting with dehydrating food that will actually be edible when re-hydrated.  We do a lot of backpacking and camping and all of our food has to be lightweight and non perishable.  He's nailed the potatoes and the eggs.  The sausage could use some work though.  I'm ready for him to be done experimenting with this.  Breakfast food is a BIG trigger food for me and it's hard to stop when I'm faced with it.

GAH!  Gotta cut this short.  Dogs are going nuts.  One is pushing a squeaky toy into my kidney and the other one is running around the house with his coat flying behind him like a sail.  I'm guessing they want me to pay attention to them. 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Christmas weekend aftermath

The weekend trip was not nearly as horrible as I thought it would be.  My weight when I got back?  Now THAT was horrible.  I gained 4 pounds in 2 days.  ACK!!!

My mom was ecstatic over her gifts, it was really fun to see her get so spoiled.  She bawled like a baby when she saw the mixer.  My parents just couldn't believe that I would spend so much money on them (her).  It was a little awkward trying to explain to them that I wanted to spoil them and that the money wasn't an issue for me.

There was only 1 or 2 weird moments with my dad.  I won't go into detail.  It was all conversation awkwardness....he managed to keep his hands to himself.  AND he managed to be his age the whole weekend rather than the 4 year old that I often get on the phone.  That was refreshing.

It was scary to see the house though.  My dad thinks that it's worth 100,000 dollars.  I bit my tongue and told him that he needs to get it inspected and appraised ASAP.  They want to sell it and use the money to be a bigger, nicer house in Wichita so they can be close to all of their doctors.

Food was heinous.  HEINOUS!!!!  These people eat ALL THE TIME.  It's absurd.  It all revolves around my dad and when HE is hungry.  I think a lot of my issues come from this.  As a kid, I was never taught to pay attention to when my body was hungry....I ate when my dad told me to eat.  (control issues?  yeah)  We drag our asses out of bed at 6 in the morning because HE is awake and HE is ready to eat breakfast.  (why can't he eat by himself? )  I felt bad for my mom on Sunday  morning.  She had a really bad night and was in a lot of pain.  My dad told me to go wake her up so we could eat breakfast.  I told him that she needed to sleep and that we could just do breakfast without her.  The asshole went and woke her up anyway.  She was in so much pain that she cried for the first 5 minutes she was out of bed.  I hate my dad for that.  I truly do.  I feel so helpless though.  I don't know how to help her. we ate Christmas dinner.  I cooked it all so I was thrilled to be able to make it slightly healthier and I knew the ingredients of everything.  I still ate too much though.

My sister's Christmas gift to me was incredibly sweet and thoughtful.  It was ALL FOOD though!  eek!  She gave me 5 jars each of homemade carrot relish, peach jam, salsa, soup base, and tomatos.  On top of that she gave me 5 gallon size bags full of cookies.  The canned goods will go to good use.  The cookies?  After I ate a whole bag by myself today......the rest went in the trash.  I just won't tell her.    I just can't have stuff like that in the house or I will binge on it.  After weekends with family I tend to kinda lose it.  I spent most of today on the couch and depressed.  Now that hubby is home and our schedule is back to normal I'm kinda snapping out of it. 

I'm watching Biggest Loser now.  (I know...I KNOW, it's an awful show but I can't resist it)  I'm finally catching up on blogs and comments too.  I really feel like I want to be reclusive now though.  I found a bunch of weight loss and anorexia stories on youtube.  I know it's sick and wrong....but those videos always make me feel better.  Tomorrow will be better.  I'll be back to fewer calories and more structure.

OH and I almost forgot.  I went to the doctor this morning.  Apparently my boobs are fibrous and I have two cysts.  Doctor says it's nothing to worry about, but I need to start doing self exams to get familiar with where all my normal bumps are so that I will know when I find a bump that isn't normal.  Fabulous.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Christmas and parents

**edit**  I forgot to add.....I made my goal of being 134 before my trip!!!!  Pretty sure I'll gain over the weekend but I'm prepared for that.  On Monday I am back in the game FULL force!!  

This weekend has the potential to be rough.   I'm visiting the parentals.  I'm dragging my hiney out of bed at 6 tomorrow morning.  I have a bunch of crap to load in the car and it will take awhile.  *sigh*  He got some fancy shmancy whisky as a gift and I'm downing a glass of it right now.  If I'm not hammered, I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight.

I'm a little miffed at the hubby right now.  He's saying he's sick and doesn't want to go.  Apparently he's had diarrhea all day, he even called in sick at work.  We work at the same place, so I got to hear it all day long since he's the I.T. guy and everybody thinks that since I'm his wife, I should also know everything about computers.  I don't doubt that he doesn't feel good.  It does seem fishy that he's been sick for the last FOUR family gatherings.  I mean, come on!  I know my family is crazy, but can a girl get a little moral support here???  It's weird.  My family adores him.  I think they love him more than me.  And yet I have to be the one to disappoint them and tell them that he isn't coming.  I should have made HIM call my mom and tell her.  

So anyway.  Food was shitty today.  I had a small wendy's chili at lunch with as much meat picked out as possible.  That wasn't awful....but then I get home and hubby has made a big greasy breakfast casserole.  Who knows how many calories that was.  Then, I spent two hours cooking a ridiculous amount of food to take with me to my parent's house.  I was making my mom's recipes.....which are not actually recipes.  We cook by taste in my family.  So I had to eyeball the ingredients and then taste it to make sure it was right.

Whatever.  I need to not think about food for the next 2 days.

I'm excited to see my mom, honestly.  I sort of went crazy with her Christmas gifts this year.  I got her a Kitchenaid mixer, a super nice electric skillet, some lotion and shower gel stuff, nail polish and socks and a huge bag of bird seed for the feeder outside her window.  I feel like I'm not going to have her in my life for very much longer.  Her health has been really bad for a few years now.  We grew up dirt poor and she never has had anything she wanted.  She sacrificed so much for me when I was little.  Now that my husband and I make decent money, I can afford to spoil her and I love it!  I feel guilty for not spoiling my dad though.  Honestly he's kind of an ass and I hate buying him things because he'll just bitch about it and not be happy anyway.  Mom is fun to spoil.  She's having back surgery in a month so I wanted to stock their freezer with food so she didn't have to worry.  My dad can't cook worth shit, so at least now she won't have to suffer with ham sandwiches every day.  I made six HUGE containers full of their favorite food, plus I made 6 pounds of plain hamburger meat.  They eat so gross, I swear.  As a kid, we had hamburger in every single dinner.  That's all my dad will eat.  Have I mentioned that my dad is kind of an asshole?

So.  I realize none of this really makes sense to anybody but I need to empty my head and get this shit out so that I can sleep.  I don't know why, but it helps.

Sleeping arrangements are going to be sketchy.  Normally we get a hotel room and claim that "we need our space" when we visit.  My parents have plenty of room for us to stay there.  My dad is so suffocating for my husband that we literally CAN'T stay there.  My dad will literally follow him to the bathroom and then stand there like a lost puppy when my husband shuts the door in his face.  It's fucking ridiculous.  My dad has no sense of boundaries, never has, never will.  In college I had a really bad experience with him  grabbing my ass "by accident" and then bursting into tears when I asked him to stop.  That particular trip ended with me driving 4 hours to get home in the middle of the night, getting wasted, slicing up my arm with a razor blade and fucking the first guy that I could grab out of an AA meeting.  (I'm awful, I know....I truly hope that guy recovered).  Since then I've been adamant about not sleeping at my parents house.  

Until this trip.....*sigh*  I swear I'm going to put my suitcase in front of my bedroom door and if my dad comes downstairs and tries any shit with me I'm going to walk out the door and leave.

I hate that my mom is with him.  She honestly loves him and I have no clue why.  If it weren't for her, I would completely cut all ties with him.  I really have no reason to talk to him.  I have to though....if I want to be with my mom.  It would break her heart if I stopped talking to him.  I'm really worried about her surgery.  The last time she had major surgery, my dad flipped out.  She called me at work one day crying.  She said that she was stuck laying on the floor in the hallway and she had peed her pants and she was hungry.  My dad (who has a whole MONTH of vacation time) went to work because he was tired of being home.  My mom was bedridden at the time and needed CONSTANT care.  My dad didn't even fucking bother to make her a sandwich or something and leave it where she could reach it from her bed.  I had to call a friend from highschool and beg her to please go check on my mom and make sure she was safe.  I wanted to hire a nurse to take care of her but my dad refused and convinced my mom to refuse too.  This time though I think I might just do it anyway. 

Ugh.  When I say my family sucks....what I really mean is that my dad sucks.  He spoils everything.  I'm dreading seeing him.  I feel guilty for spending so much money on my mom for christmas.  I got my dad a car charger for his phone and a gift card.  I spent 50 bucks on him....maybe.  Whatever.  If he wanted more from me, maybe he should have treated me and my sister better as kids.  I'm going to hell for even typing that.

omg I'm drunk and rambling.  I HAVE to go to bed now.

Food plan for the weekend?  Coffee for breakfast.  I'm bringing some vegan chickpea stuff for lunch for me and for my mom to try.  (dad can go fuck himself since he refuses to try anything new and wants to eat like a 5 year old).  "Christmas dinner" is going to be ham, baked potatos (because asshole dad won't eat mashed potatoes, only baked ones) and plain green beans (because asshole dad doesn't like green bean casserole).  I'm also making bubbat and zweiback when I get there......Mennonite bread recipes that are absolutely delicious!!  I'm limiting myself to 1 serving of each though.  I'll leave the leftovers with my mom.  I doubt I'll be able to work out this weekend.  Boo!  I might revert to my old highschool habits and just do jumping jacks and strength exercises in my room.  It's in the basement so it's not like the floor will shake when I jump.  LOL!

Ugh.  I'm going to bed now, really!!  I guess I'll have to catch up with everybody on Monday.   Hope everyone has a wonderful and skinny weekend!!!!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

doctor, decisions, some snark

I made a dr. appointment today for my yearly exam.  I'm excited for my chart to read 135 pounds instead of 160 pounds!!!   I was crushed when the nurse (a very old, rude lady) made a comment last year that I had gained weight.  Granted, I HAD gained 15 pounds....but still.  That was just rude.  This time, I want raised eyebrows!!

I'm feeling snarky today (as if it wasn't obvious already).  I got all fired up at work and had to lead a difficult and very confrontational meeting because nobody else has the balls to speak up and talk about the issues.  (contrary to popular belief, introverts CAN be assertive and lead when necessary)  The lack of backbone in my superiors is really getting old. Tonight is definitely a RUN night!  I have some rage to burn off. 

I'm sitting here debating on whether or not to actually eat the food that I had planned for dinner.  My calories today are lower than what I've been allowing myself.  All the "conditions" are right.  LOL!  Hubby had a huge and nasty fast food lunch so he's feeling bloated and is skipping dinner.  The wine is gone, so it's not like I'm going to get wasted and then binge on food.  My stomach is growling and it feels kinda nice.  Is it weird that I like the empty feeling?  It's only my HEAD that wants to eat.  That chickpea casserole tasted so freaking good.....but if I have the chance to keep my calories below 200, that'd be freaking awesome.

I had 30 calories for breakfast (coffee and creamer).  The grapefruit was 148 calories.  That sounds high though.  The website I used to track it didn't have an option to choose a diameter size, only small and large.  I chose two small, to be on the safe side.

Meh.  I'm gonna go dig through the laundry for a sports bra and hop on my treadmill.  
Weight this morning was 135.8.....I'm happy with that.  I want to be 134 by the time we leave for my parents house on Saturday.

I'm thinking of doing a fast day soon.  It's been years since I've done one.  I don't want to screw up my metabolism more than it already is, but honestly I just want a day to feel completely empty and clean.

Today I'm having coffee for breakfast.  Grapefruit for lunch.  Chickpea casserole for dinner.  Total calories for the day will be around 500.

Lately ALL of my spots at the park by work have been taken at lunch.  gggrrrr.....  I had such a perfect thing going there!!  The picnic table benches are all the perfect height for step-ups and one spot actually had a little staircase built into a hill and was totally hidden from the road so I could run stairs to my hearts content.  It's cold outside.  WHY are so many people hanging out at the park during my lunch break??!!  I really need to find a new place to go.  I miss my lunch workouts, even if they're small and non-sweaty.  My body just feels better in the afternoon when I'm able to do something.  I work in a really ghetto area so it's not like I can just walk around anywhere.  

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I got a compliment today.  I think.  Girls at work and I were talking about weight and dieting.  My friend asked how much I actually weighed.  When I told them, they were all really shocked and asked where the heck I PUT all of those pounds.  I guess I don't look like my weight?  I dunno.  I'm gonna take it as a compliment.  :)  I told them my jeans size and they didn't believe that either.  They don't take me very seriously though because I don't have as much weight to lose as they do.  In fact, they think I'm crazy for thinking I need to lose weight.  *sigh*  For some reason their reaction fuels my fire.  

Food was very healthy today, but on the high end of calories.  I had a slimfast for breakfast (bleh!).  I can't believe I used to drink those every day and enjoy them.  They taste disgusting to me now.  I had half an apple for lunch.  The skin was tough and hurting my teeth....the whole experience was annoying so I chucked it out my car window.  For dinner I made this vegan chickpeas and rice casserole.  ZOMG!!!!  It was pretty amazing.  Even my steak loving husband said it was really good.  It was 350 calories.  I had seconds though.  So I think it was closer to 500 calories.  :(

I wish I had planned ahead better today.  I know that you're supposed to eat the majority of your calories earlier in the day but for some reason I have a hard time doing that.  It seems that if I skip breakfast and lunch, it's easy for me to eat super light for dinner.  If I start the day eating, it seems like I'm hungry all day and I tend to eat more.  It's all a head game for me though.  Physically I can do without eating.  My MIND wants me to eat more.

Anyway.  I had no loss on the scale this morning.  Boo.  I ran 3 miles yesterday on top of a short elliptical workout in the morning.  Yay me!  I'm planning for another short elliptical workout and some strength training tonight.  I'm just gonna make it up as I go.  

Hope everybody had a great day today!!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

So last night was fun.  I ended up eating more than I had planned for the day though.  :(  Boo.  Hubby decided that he was in the mood to experiment with cooking even though we both had already eaten and neither of us was still hungry.  He has amazing self-control though.  I don't know how he can just cook for the sheer fun of it and then not even eat it.  He made pasta with a "cheaters" parmesan cream sauce.  Holy freaking crap it was yummy!  He was sweet and presented me with a perfect looking tiny pile of it that equaled exactly 3 small bites.  :)  Unfortunately cream sauce doesn't re-heat well so we couldn't really save it for today.  I really wanted to eat the whole damn pot of it, but I didn't.  I ate what he gave me plus 1 more bite.  Later, waaaay later, like at 11 pm I ate a piece of pita bread and some hummus.  I blame the wine.  Best way to get a dieting girl to eat?  Give her wine.  *sigh*  At least the wine kept my head from exploding with all of the guilt and over-thinking.

Today is better though.  First thing when I woke up I got on the elliptical for half an hour.  I power walked through some shopping this afternoon and tonight I'm going to run.  As for food I've eaten the last piece of pita bread and the last little serving of hummus.  If I get hungry later I'll have an orange or an apple and maybe some broth if I'm wanting something hot or salty.  I weighed this morning and had no loss.  Oh well.  What can I expect after all the crap I ate yesterday?  

I just booked our hotel room for next weekend.  Bleh!  We're driving to my hometown to see my parents.  I'm dreading it.  My parents are control freaks.  They are uber religious (Mennonite/Baptist).  They are judgmental, opinionated and closed minded. My dad is HIGHLY emotional and sensitive.  It seems that every time I see them the trip ends with my dad in tears, threatening suicide or spouting off about knowing that he isn't "wanted" anymore, blah blah blah.  

My husband and I are radically different than my parents think we are.  I no longer consider myself a Christian......More like an Agnostic who is researching different religions...though I lean more toward an Atheistic view.  I'm currently reading about Buddhism and Wicca.  My parents don't know this.  They just think that I have issues with church politics and therefore have decided to "have church" at home instead.  Is it wrong of me to let them continue thinking that?  

I'm kind of looking forward to seeing my mom though.  She's becoming rather sweet and open-minded in her old age.  (she's recently informed me that she doesn't think the church should be fighting gay marriage and that she doesn't think it's wrong for people to drink alcohol, LOL!)  I rarely get to spend time with just her when we visit because of my asshole dad demanding all of the attention.  He's been extra needy lately too.  And extra childish.  He called me yesterday and I felt like I was talking to a 4 year old.  He even uses the baby-talk.  I don't know how to respond to him when he gets like that and I'm done trying.  I've tried for YEARS to get him to go to a therapist.  (I personally think that he has borderline personality disorder, but what do I know?)  He told me that he went for three sessions and was told that he was fine and didn't need counseling.  BULLSHIT!!!  If that's actually what the therapist told him, then he should be fired and have his license taken away or something.  

Ugh.  I'm rambling.  Sorry.  Until this visit is over, my rambling will get worse.  I promise.  Hahaha!