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Thursday, April 26, 2007

new church and a dream: blue paint annointing

I woke up this morning in an odd mood. Instead of conditioning my hair and shaving my legs I spent some extra minutes typing out a dream I had last night. I'm weird like that. I think remembering my dreams is more important than hair free legs for work. LOL!

Work today was awful. I found out that my boss is a complete asshole. I was going to write about it all, but honestly I'd rather bury that with some vodka and talk about my dream instead. 

First of all...this dream has some background. Yesterday evening I spent some time browsing some original art on ebay. I spent an hour wailing to Kyle because I COULD paint things like that....and I don't. I'm too perfectionistic and I can't let go of my inner rules....and therefore I can't paint. I can't ask questions because I don't want to look stupid. I'm afraid to buy a bunch of stuff and then have no idea how to use it properly....or worse yet, end up with a dumpster full of art that I've deemed bad. You see, it's easy to delete bad writing...and it's easy to control who reads it. With painting....people closest to me would see it. It also costs money...and I'm a cheapskate. ARGH!

Also, there's this new church that I want to try. The Bohemian Church. They're basically a group of people that don't fit into a church setting. I've e-mailed them and gotten info about where to go and when. But I still haven't gone. I have too many nerves I guess. My stomach turns at the thought of showing up and it's going to be just like every other church service I've been to. I'm going to feel dirty, out of place, and misunderstood. And yet....they assure me that they all gather with each other BECAUSE they feel that way in other churches. yes yes...I can hear the religious voices in my life right now....and they're saying that the reason they aren't comfortable in church is because they are uncomfortable with their sin and God. *sigh* Ugh. I just don't really wanna go there right now. So read on, my beautiful friends. And pray that I have courage to go to this "church"....because I know that I need to.

Here's the dream:

I went with a friend to hear this woman speak. It was kind of a church thing kind of a testimony thing. I was really enjoying what she had to say. There weren’t many people, 20 or so. People weren’t listening and I felt bad for her because of it. Near the end she said, “now this is my favorite part.” She picked up a big wide paintbrush that had deep blue paint on it. She walked through the crowd with it. She walked past/behind me so I didn’t think anything of it and continued to face forward and wait patiently. Then I felt a cold slimy drop of paint drip onto my wrist. She was holding the brush above me. Paint started running off of it onto my hands and arms, almost like she was anointing me with the paint. She then grabbed my hand and lead me to the front of the gymnasium. There were TV’s there, turned off so they were blank screens. She put a new piece of chalk in my hand, and nonverbally encouraged me to draw on the screen. I started to, got frustrated, and turned to her and said, "I can’t." She then put her hand over my hand and drew a heart with an arrow through it. I knew that it meant something, and felt like God was saying something to me through her. I was crying. She took both my hands in hers and was about to pray for me. Almost immediately I started feeling all warm and light and floaty. I felt myself hit the floor…not hard, very gently so I knew that it was God.